Dear Guys,
First of all, if you are a woman reading this, think of it as “A Guide to Finding the Perfect Man.” This is a call to
action for men to become real men, but this also is directly relevant to all my female readers as well.
So, guys. It’s tough out there for a pimp. Three 6 Mafia knows it. I know it. We all know it. With the feminist revolution
of the last 50 years, we have experienced shifting gender roles that have never been seen before.
Women, this is not an indictment of you and your growing societal stature. Finally, gender equality is a tangible thing.
It’s great.
But even for the uber pro-feminist, would you not agree that you still need a strong, protective male in your life?
Ehh maybe she wouldn’t but you get the point.
Even as women become the main financial providers for the family, the CEOs of companies, and more than just a loving,
faithful spouse, a man should still be a man.
In today’s society, however, men are not being men.
There’s a pervasive culture of passivity that has to stop. Guys, we have to be the ones to finally step up and do
something about it.
It’s evident in dating. It’s evident in relationships. It’s evident in the Church.
Somewhere along the line, guys became too cool to do anything.
Doing something slightly out of the ordinary has made a man “gay” or “lame”. Showing emotion or even the slightest hint at
romanticism has led to an endless barrage of insults from a guy’s peers. (Trust me, I saw “Safe Haven” last night…)
Rather, playing hard to get has become the norm. Asking a girl out on a date? Forget that. You might get rejected.
But if she comes up to you at a party, you’re in. You’re cool. Exerting effort to get what you want is so overrated.
This is the problem with the young males in our society. And it has to stop now.
I’m 100% guilty of this as well. Out of curiosity, I read “The Game” and investigated NLP – look it up. Basically,
theories on how to play hard to get and date girls.
That’s the problem with men now. We look to some self-proclaimed “pick up artist” and some surefire way to date girls.
Like there’s some formula for it. The author romanticizes the notion of “hard to get” and how all girls want are alpha males down for a one night stand.
We’ve lost sight of what it means to love, what it means to be in a healthy relationship.
Guys, when was the last time you asked a girl out on a date?
No, going to Zaxby’s doesn’t count. Neither does a late-night trip to Hungry Howie’s. I’m talking about a real date.
You know, a sober phone call or in-person conversation, where you man up, ask a girl to dinner, pick her up, talk to her, pay for her meal, and drop her off?
Or were you too afraid of rejection, so you didn’t even risk it?
Listen fellas, it’s time we start to take the lead again. Girls can recognize a one-night stand ploy from miles away. The main reason this has worked for us in
the past is because she was probably too drunk to make a rational decision, but this is a different topic entirely. If all you can do is score drunk girls,
reinvestigate your life immediately.
For once, though, why don’t we talk to girls without imaging taking her home? Why don’t we try to get to know her? Espouse a true friendship?
And if you get shut down, deal with it like a man. Thank her for her time and move on.
Once we man up and ask her on a date, don’t be late. Treat her well. Pick her up. Go to her door and ring the doorbell. A car honk or a text saying “I’m here”
is about the worst thing you could ever do. At that point, go ahead and pull out of the driveway and go home.
At dinner, talk to her. Get to know her. Ask questions. Tell jokes. Be yourself. And then at the end, pay for her meal. No hesitation.
At no point should you sacrifice conversation for your ‘coolness.’ We no longer need to be so naive and think that sitting back, disinterested,
waiting for the girl to keep the conversation going, is how to conduct a conversation with a date.
We’ve become so scared of rejection that we retreat to this 'cool guy’ act where we can deflect any and all responsibility if the date goes wrong.
“She wasn’t that talkative”
“She was boring”
“She didn’t really seem interested”
All excuses that place the blame on the girl. Maybe, guys, we’re the problem. Maybe, just maybe, since we didn’t man up and actually show emotion and make ourselves
vulnerable and available, the girl didn’t find us interesting.
We want the girl to chase us, which provides for some fleeting fun, but if you’re going to predicate your relationship off of that, you’re just plain stupid.
Because here’s a little secret: while you’re going through the initial stages with a girl, she’s constantly assessing us in terms of the future. Will he be a good
husband to me? Will he be able to provide for me? Our kids? Will he be a good father?
You think it’s stupid but it’s true. That’s what’s going on in her mind. But the whole time she’s thinking about that, we’re thinking about hooking up with her,
so we can go back and brag to our friends. And then we’ll be even cooler because we won’t initiate the conversation. We’ll wait for her to text us.
Guys, if this is how we date, how do you think we’ll be as husbands?
That’s why the divorce rate in this country is at 50% right now. Because all through high school, all through college, we go out and try and hook up with as many
girls as we can. Because that’s what makes us cool.
How many times have you heard “Live it up in college, before you get tied down to a wife”?
That is a complete lie. It’s egregious. It’s abominable.
Do you think that if you can’t be a one-woman man in college, that you’ll somehow get it figured out when you find 'the One’? That somehow that desire of pursuit
and short-lived pleasure will somehow go away?
Not to mention the fact that you’ll have to look your future spouse in the eyes, and tell her, how many girls you’ve been with. Had sex with. Done unspeakable
things with.
And you’ll get to see the tears in her eyes. The crushed look on her face, as she learns that basically, she’s not as special to you anymore,
because you’ve shared a lot of yourself with dozens of other girls.
Hey! Guess what!
If you find yourself guilty of any of these things, do not worry. Believing in the Gospel frees us from any and all sins.
The beauty of the cross is that you are forgiven.
If you were a porn star and believe in the Gospel, you are now made new in Christ. Sin means nothing to Christ. That’s exactly why He died on the cross for us:
to forgive us of all our sins.
The sexual ones. The lust ones. The angry ones.
It doesn’t matter, because if you are a believer in the Gospel, when God looks down from Heaven, all He sees is Jesus. He doesn’t see a filthy, sin-filled man,
but rather, He sees His perfect Son who gave His life for us.
In Christ, you are a new creation.
So take the Gospel, forget your old life and become the man you would want your daughter to date. Date the woman you would want your son to date.
When we date, we must date with purpose. Date a girl because you can see yourself marrying her somewhere down the road.
And if you’re in a relationship, and know that you won’t be marrying this girl, break up with her immediately. You can’t waste your college years stuck in a fruitless
relationship, just because it’s comfortable or pleasure-filled.
Guys, please. I implore you. We need to get this figured out. We all deep down want that perfect wife, that happy family. No matter how 'gay’ that might sound.
It’s true. We want that with somebody.
So begin to model yourself to be a good husband now. Be a man.
That’s the secret to life.
Now go live it.
Ebenezer Oppong
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