RECOVERING FROM BROKEN HEART AND MOVING ON

The searing pain of a failed relationship is the greatest suffering many of us will ever experience. It is pretty hard to focus on recovering when you are questioning yourself about what went wrong. Why did he leave? Why isn’t she interested anymore? Will you get back together one day? You thought you were soul mates but was that true. For some of us, it feels like we have to start over, and for others it may be easier to move on. There isn’t one set way to heal or recover from a broken heart. But there are actions you can take to ensure you come out on top. Here are some few suggested steps that may help you recover from a broken heart and move on with your normal life.



1. ACCEPT THE PAIN

The first thing you have to do is to accept that you will have to go through some pain. It is an unavoidable truth that if you loved enough to be heartbroken, you have to experience some suffering. When you lose something that mattered to you, it is natural and important to feel sad about it: that feeling is an essential part of the healing process.
The problem with broken-hearted people is that they seem to be reliving their misery over and over again. If you cannot seem to break the cycle of painful memories, the chances are that you are locked into repeating dysfunctional patterns of behaviour. Your pain has become a mental habit. This habit can, and must, be broken.

This is not to belittle the strength of your feelings or the importance of the habits you've built up during your relationship. Without habit, none of us would function. But there comes a time when the pains becomes unhealthy.
So therefore accept the pain that will come earlier but don't be controlled by those miseries.

2. CHANGE YOUR HABITS

After accepting those pains, you have to break those connections that reminds you of your ex. Turn off the music that reminds you of your ex. Make your home look and feel different from when your loved one was around. Move the furniture. Take up a new activity. And keep moving: exercise is the single most effective therapy for depression.

The point of these changes is to break up the old associations and give yourself a new environment for your new life. The changes you make don't have to be permanent. Even if it is just using a different shampoo and deleting your ex's number from the memory of your mobile, you better  change something. Now.

3. CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS
Sometimes, we can change our environment but we still think about them. No! it shouldn't go that way. If you actually want to move on, then you must get them behind your back, change from the inside too - transform your habits of thought. In a relationship, we build up a huge array of such habits. When the love affair ends, these patterns can still be running.
To change your thinking habits, you need to understand a little more about them.
If you are finding it devastatingly difficult to handle the end of your relationship, you may need to change the 'frame' of your thoughts. You will need to re-frame your heartbreak. Stop seeing it as the end of your happiness. Instead, turn it into a challenge; view it as an opportunity. Being heartbroken can make you feel worthless and hopeless - but that is because the frame you are using is too narrow. Learning to see your situation with a different frame is a wonderful liberation.

4. UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS

The next stage is to learn to understand your emotional reactions better. Your feelings of heartbreak are unlikely to disappear unless you cope with what they are trying to tell you. An emotion is a bit like someone knocking on your door to deliver a message. If you don't answer, he keeps knocking until you do open up. Opening the door to your feelings means learning to understand them. This can be hard, because heartbreak is complicated by other feelings: anger, fear and shame.

5. AVOID YOUR THOUGHT OF ANGER AND REVENGE
Forgive yourself and forgive the person in your own time. Making a choice to forgive immediately did not mean that I actually got over my heartbreak straight away. It just put forgiveness in motion and I was able to see the positive in what I learned from the whole experience.It kept my heart free from hate and anger.  Release feelings of anger, hatred and thoughts of revenge. Understand this are all related to ego and cause you more harm than good. Anger exacerbates anxiety and depression, keeps us tethered and prevents us from moving forward. As Nelson Mandela said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies." In a moment of quiet,keep on  repeating this mantra; "I forgive and release you and let you go."  Unforgiveness and anger is something that drags us down if we hold onto it.

6. SEEK SUPPORT FROM LOVE ONES

 
Surround yourself with people who will allow you to be you.  Get support. Talk to people about what you are going through. Talk to friends and family who are empathic and kind. Tell them specifically what you need from them. It’s what friends and family are for–to help each other out. Do some fun things with friends and groups of people. If your friends are tired of your broken record, consider therapy or a support group. Get immediate help if feeling so depressed or you are suicidal.

7. BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN
Know that you are lovable. Do not misinterpret the end of a relationship as meaning you are somehow not enough. Sometimes people aren't capable of giving us the love we need and deserve, which is their issue and not yours. You are exactly as you should be and are perfectly lovable just the way you are.
You could fall into the trap of remaining convinced that your ex is the only person you could ever love. This is unlikely to be true on a planet with six billion people.
So why do you believe it? Can it be because you are desperately trying to avoid accepting that the relationship is over? Or are you afraid that the bad feelings associated with heartbreak will never go away?
That fear makes you anxious, and keeps you feeling bad for longer. The burden of your heartbreak has grown heavier, and a vicious circle has been established. Know yourself that you are lovable and one day you will get another important person to love you more than what happened in your past relationship.

8. LIVING HAPPILY AFTER YOUR BREAK-UP
Get happy with you again if you are not already. Focus on your ambitions and goals. If you don’t have any, it’s time to start thinking. Confidence can be ignited or found again by being motivated and seeing your dreams come about.
A good way of giving yourself a boost - and coping with complicated feelings - is to imagine a bright future.

1. Imagine the future as a corridor in front of you. Imagine walking down it, away from the present, towards a door.
2. Open the door, and see beyond it a world in which you have recovered from your heartbreaking relationship.
3. See what you look like, what you are wearing, where you are going, whom you are seeing.
4. Now step into this new world and into the new happy you. Imagine the whole experience from the inside, seeing what you would see, hearing what you would hear, and feeling how good and happy things are now.
It is not a matter of believing the image is real: just imagine it as vividly as possible.
Heartbreak will recover, but time is something we cannot gain back.
But also remember that regret is another form of heartbreak.
In heartbreak, there is often a backlog of emotional learning to get through. Do one bit at a time. Your unconscious mind will protect you, and give you a rest so that you can deal with the next bit. You will learn to step out of the memories, leave them behind, and start a new life.
Above all, pray to GOD for divine intervention because prayer is the solution to all problems.

There are many ways to heal and recover after heartbreak, but the most important thing is for you to know that it is possible. Life is filled with solutions and wonderful ways in which to overcome hardship. If you are willing, you will find what you are looking for. And if a mended, happy, recovered heart is what you seek, then you will find exactly that.
I hope you will be an object of change in your own life and in the lives of heartbroken people.
THANK YOU FOR READING
by Oppong Ebenezer
+233248176799